morning thoughts

the reason for me to have not yet started to really write my self as i should is that i do not fully
understand the concepts and meanings of the ideas portrayed here
i feel i must first get my self well familiar with all the words and meanings and then once i have that

understanding i can finally start to take on my own process and style of writing oneself out

My anxiousness is one more reason why i feel like screaming at the people " C'MON " change it already"
but i also realise that i am the one that has alowed them to use the planets resorces as they do, trough my out alowence of that idea i have changed the planet for the worst and i do understand and feel that deep within myself, i feel like i am responsible for the bad people on the planet and for every kill there is (animal or human)
I know I must have set a system to work in my mind trough those thoughts and information i have recieved via the internet or the news on TV but, I also have  a good feeling inside, God knows why and I am not even sure if he exists or me for that matter. How can we really exist the way we do. This has to be somekind of a Matrix realitty like a dream or a drug we got from alien lifeforms or whatever. It just feel real but when I was on the other side I felt MUCH MORE, AND THE REAL-ness WAS WOW. So now when I am living my life here on Earth it seems not good enough or not even real. I do experience pain and feelings But not as real as i had them when i crossedover
some time ago. So this is not real or is it just some one persons bad realitty projection oif ideas and test pf his own abilitty if he can make a better world than what we call GOD. Interesting dont you think. So until i learn to use forgiveness teh right way i wont write i that i forgive myself that i have ...... OK?
And at this point I just want to get ideas and systems out of my existence so I dont care about grammar, Sorry:)