sexual demon beings ATTACK

OK WTF, am I really that sexually non-satisfied by normal human girls? That I am calling forth sucubus's to come to me and you know.... I feel really sick like I secretly want it to be like that or that I am making a HUGE mistake somewhere, whatever it is it is making me feel weird and I cant get on with my life lie I normally do. For example today I just took a nap at 15:00 and i had a dream even and then it merged in to this movement around me as I was just about to wake up  but I started to feel something attached to my back and touching me gently. And I was 100% awake but I could not go up or move, I felt like I was enjoying (her.IT) being there with me and it even replied to me asking( do you like me) she said YEAAASSss. Then I could only hear those hard breaths all around me like the bed was sucking me in to the grounds and I felt the sucucbus getting in to it and I tried to get out from my body so I can see what it looked  like at least. Then I asked are you a sucubus and it disappeared and I opened my eyes here.  SO WHAT NOW. Looking at videos or information I found DOES not help. I have to it and stop it. So should I do self forgiveness now. And what should I write????

day 2- I see that self forgiveness is the way now

OK so last night after I have watched more videos on the system demons, I said to myself that it is time to locate mine and really be specific on what I address so it hears me directly and feels my self forgiveness. That is what I did with not even a drop of suspicion in my self, that is probably the reason why it worked as it did. After 02am I went to bed and started thinking of what I have watched during the day(regarding self forgiveness videos and information on blogs). So i laid down on my back and stared at the cealing for a moment before I started to feel sleepy and went deeper and deeper in to my breathe. To the point where I actually said ITS TIME"" so HEY FEAR DEMON listen to what I have to say to my self and to you in that sense:
- I forgive my self that I have allowed my self fear to manifest in my mind and body that I have here, when I was afraid because of stories I have heard over the years, movies I have seen over the years, sounds I have heard over the years. That is my understanding now that I am the one to have been afraid of my minds creations, and of its projections during night times when I have experienced arousal caused by pictures, sounds, and memories I have not forgiven my self to believe and live in. 
I forgive my self Fear of loss also as when I had a girlfriend and I was constantly telling my self that I will loose her (and i did ) she dumped me for her ex and then she dumped him, so I see that i have caused this to happen trough my own allowance of fear of lost to manifest within my mind and body.


I forgive my self that i have allowed and accepted my self to after that loss experience a weakness moment of hate and regret that i have chosen the wrong  person and have deceived myself doing so. 


Now I see how one forgiveness leads to another and that way know that I can deconstruct my ego and find my errors to repair them as I find them. I see now that it is not about sins as sins dont really exist, be cause what we think about- we create - we live by- we manifest- then we see our error and try to go back about it and self forgiveness is the way to do it and self commitment also.


I commit my self to apply the tools of self forgiveness and self commitment as I go trough out my human life on this planet as the being Andon Hristov. 
I commit my self to apply self forgiveness when ever I see that there is need to apply self forgiveness, the need being caused by the understanding that I am following a system i have created and lived by so far, or when I see something is wrong and start to think why it seems that way and feels rotten. 


When I did the self forgiveness last night I was here and somewhat felt like I am dreaming. Once I forgave my self different acceptance of allowance of a system to have been manifesting within me, I felt like something came out of me( me head my chest my brain my arms and legs ). I felt relieved and I was living in the moment of clearance for a while, sort of being both in this 3D place that is my room and bed, and the other non-3D dimension. I felt I have really purified a single point of error. That was the proof I was looking for, so I could confirm that this entire thing is real and is working for the better.


I will continue to apply self forgiveness every night if I can and that way I will become what I have been when I have been put in this Earth in a first place.


Thank you for reading my little confession and discovery.

morning thoughts

the reason for me to have not yet started to really write my self as i should is that i do not fully
understand the concepts and meanings of the ideas portrayed here
i feel i must first get my self well familiar with all the words and meanings and then once i have that

understanding i can finally start to take on my own process and style of writing oneself out

My anxiousness is one more reason why i feel like screaming at the people " C'MON " change it already"
but i also realise that i am the one that has alowed them to use the planets resorces as they do, trough my out alowence of that idea i have changed the planet for the worst and i do understand and feel that deep within myself, i feel like i am responsible for the bad people on the planet and for every kill there is (animal or human)
I know I must have set a system to work in my mind trough those thoughts and information i have recieved via the internet or the news on TV but, I also have  a good feeling inside, God knows why and I am not even sure if he exists or me for that matter. How can we really exist the way we do. This has to be somekind of a Matrix realitty like a dream or a drug we got from alien lifeforms or whatever. It just feel real but when I was on the other side I felt MUCH MORE, AND THE REAL-ness WAS WOW. So now when I am living my life here on Earth it seems not good enough or not even real. I do experience pain and feelings But not as real as i had them when i crossedover
some time ago. So this is not real or is it just some one persons bad realitty projection oif ideas and test pf his own abilitty if he can make a better world than what we call GOD. Interesting dont you think. So until i learn to use forgiveness teh right way i wont write i that i forgive myself that i have ...... OK?
And at this point I just want to get ideas and systems out of my existence so I dont care about grammar, Sorry:)

day One

OK so Hello all, I have decided to write my self out and using this method I will hope to reach my true potential as cosmic force and find my true self as I do really feel lost at times.
I have no idea how to start and what to look at first. Should I start from day one or from today to day one going backwards and seeing how much I really actually remember from everyday so far. I will say this though, I do feel a bit awkward and excited doing this writing, one reason is i hate writing and i am not a good English grammar person, and the other reason is just excitement caused by the knowledge that I havent done this format of realisation ever before in my current life. There I am being distracted by the other internet windows opened (Face Book,YouTube,Skype). I know and I see what I have to change in my character and i spot my life patterns easily, but I have never before tried to change them for the better. And I think I dont understand your idea completely. Should I try and deconstruct my self completely and then rebuild only the parts i need and that are helping about creating a better world for all??? Or i should just do a self forgiveness scan of my systems and delete memories, fears, pains, doubts things like that (as i go and write every day)? So far for this single post I do see where I need to apply the tool of self forgiveness so I will now start to do so.


I forgive my self, that I have accepted and allowed my self to have felt guilty and embarassed only even by the thought to have been doing self forgiveness before.


I forgive my self, that I have accepted and allowed my self to have been letting my self to be led to inner hatred and confusion of thoughts caused by the constant distractions caused by different objects and people around me. I know that it is me who is actually letting them happen and i can stop my self in believing that they are there and making me feel nervous and tense.


I forgive my self, that I have accepted and allowed my self to have let inner pain enter my mind and thoughts during my creation processes and fear to manifest within my soul and being. 


I forgive my self, that I have accepted and allowed my self to ever doubt in my own potential, in my own words, in my own creation process as a human being, and as an artistic creator.


I forgive my self, that I have accepted and allowed my self to have been weak and selfish yesterday when I went out with my brother and a friend of ours, and when my friend was working out i felt like i wanted to have his stronger body which he has gained trough out 5 year period with hard work and consistency.

Andon's Journey to Life

I will use this page to start my inner journey towards my realisation of who I really am and what I am here for.

I know my spelling is bad, but I dont care about being perfect in this, I just feel that I really need to find my human errors as searching for my everyday patterns and eliminating any fear or doubt encounter using Self Forgiveness.

So may the journey begin.