figure MY art

So there comes a time when every person who likes to do drawing as me, has to stand infront of him self and see where he is going with it and what he needs to make it in to(living or hobby). That time has arrived for me now, today, here as I am within myself at this present moment. 

How it all started----

Well I dont remember much I just got born here at 1988 and then I was like 1 year old or 2 my mum says i was 1 year and 7 months when I drew my first drawing. I used pens and it was like a goal keeper with snickers on that had spikes on them and he had gloves and a helmet on. I was 1,7 years old WTF how would I know what those things look like and if they existed or not at all. So that is a mystery.
So moving on from that age to about 16 years old drew a lot every day and I became (good enough) this Andon that everyone knew and associated with drawing strange monsters, robots, demons and such. Now these demon drawings were all based on nightmares I used to have, but within my dream once I said STOP, I AM CONTROLING IT SO STOP IT NOW. And it did stop, so from that point on I could control my dreams IF i fell asleep on my Left shoulder. (The right for some reason makes me fall in to nightmares that I can not yet control..some info on that would be welcome yo..)
Then form 16 to 20 I said to my self that I want to become a famous artist, now I dont know if that is what I need to be. I mean yes I have been placed in this world here now with the knowledge of creating Art and drawing, and everyone says its a gift and I need to fulfill it and embrace it. So what do I do now. I draw when I am bored, I am not earning a living of it as I cant get employed anywhere (Bulgaria six when you look for a job). It seems IMPOSSIBLE to find a job here as an artist who draws more spiritual related and other world genres. So I went to study Animation in London and now it is summer vacation so I am here on these forums trying to understand my life. 
Art for me is a need to create, a need that has to be fulfilled and shown and be accepted by others. 
I feel like I have this thing in me that WANTS to be acknowledged by all and wants to suit all at once, but that thing is what I want to kill off and delete. If I can label it with a word or a name I can at least start to direct my will towards removing or changing it and BECOME ME.I used to have a time when my mum wont even like what I drew and she said it comes from Satan not GOD, I forgive my self that I had believed that statement for a while and that led me in to becoming closed and evil thinking person who was unable to express his love in any way. I rejected everything and felt sick and wicked. So now I can say "been there done that". And that is what stops me frm entering that state again, so thats good. :) Trough past mistakes I have developed defense mechanisms like that one in many aspects, so I dont fall in to the black hole again.
And Now WHAT do I not want but NEED for my self regarding ART. How does drawing build my character and benefit my well being. Why do I need it at all. First think pops in my mind is that I have lived with art so far and I feel it was much more that just my current 24 years on Earth. I feel that I am a part of a memory that has ART in its core and that is as old as existence it self. So cool I need art for that reason. So now How do I express it and not feel like I need to get accepted and when I dont get accepted, I should not feel guilty, unsatisfied, hateful, wicked at my self and my creation. But just the opposite, I should praise my gift and love it and cherish it and live by it.
I will just continue to draw and create, and not expect money to fall from the sky or get praised by all. I do have my fans and my good people that support me in all my creations. That makes me really happy and I feel like I have been hugged bu this bird like thing with warm feathers and its pulsating love in to my soul. Its warn soft and tender as a mothers first touching the babies they delivered to this planet. 

I love you all and I love my self a lot too. Let creation continue in its own, Dont stop or judge no one. Be able to forgive yourselves and others with a smile and tear in the eye.